Time to open up

Thanks to my roommate Nora and her impeccable taste in music, I confess and aspire to The Best of Etta James.

I have been having a lot of tension in my hips, I feel like I can’t stretch it out enough, the back of my legs neither.  It just means to me that I need to try harder at taking care of my self, my body is my home after all.

We’re trying to get together for yoga in the house more

and we’re trying to cook for each other more, at each other’s houses and everyone brings something.

I must remember to have patience in these times of frustration.  Patience, that has been one of the biggest virtues of growing older, something I still feel strained to the utmost of my capacities sometimes but I also, with age, have come to see the way of things, how things tend to work out best if I simply act with care and awareness, and love and peace of mind for what is meant to be.

I’m talking about frustrations of feeling so many things pulling my energies in every direction yet I am feeling like I’m slipping behind.  My time seems not enough to be my own and I feel my freedom slipping away.  But maybe it’s not that way, though.  In fact it can’t be, I mean, every day is a step towards figuring it out and part of what is actually happening to me in my world; it does take work to put it together and it’s about finding balance.  I could work on that too.

My friend Jake from Urbana Basement warned me about overextending myself, he said he has problems saying no too, taking on too many projects and saying yes to too much.  I feel tired and I think in times like these the best thing I can do for myself is relax, eat well, sleep enough, replace evening snacking with yoga, take plenty of walks and deep breaths, and enjoy my free time, keeping it free and giving myself time to get things done and keep things open.  I do need to simplify, though, and take it easy.  It’s getting cold after all.  I try not to isolate too much as I believe people are so good for people, the world is happening and lots of beautiful things to see are out there.  I begrudgingly accept I must work a lot right now to live as I am and save up for yoga school in Costa Rica, and so is the ebb and flow.  It’s hard to keep it all together sometimes.  I’ve recentered myself by writing every day again in a journal and pushing myself and trusting in myself to keep on going, I’m steadily branching out and putting it all together.  I still have a lot to learn and discover.

Here’s to the next two days off from my day job at the cafe, and some short term goals:

-go to the park

-reduce excessive sugar intake

-clean the bathroom/get laundry under control

-reinvest interest in tea

-make more soups

-visit Ethan in Seattle

-practice saying no when necessary

-discover a great book and movie

-continue working towards freedom

Inhale, exhale

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