The Flying Machine

Holly: Hey Nora, you want to free write for a bit? Then we can read to each other.

Nora: Sure, that sounds fun.

Holly: Just write as long as you need to, just whatever you gotta get out right now.

“November 4, 2013

At Flying Machine with Holly after a brisk bike ride.  Warming up with two americanos and some free writing!!

Good morning, you.  I woke up this morning feeling so much energy in my chest, and spring in my eyelids, I though for sure it must be 11am, and I am late for class.  A quick glance at my watch, 8:30am!  What a glorious feeling.

While getting ready this morning, I took my time and went at a natural pace.  This past week the house has really come together; it has given me a very calming, stabilizing energy.  Like we have this house as it is, and there are a number of “real-life”, “adult”, tasks we must do to maintain it.  Now that I’ve become comfortable with what the house needs, I have what I need.

And I always have what I need because I am always exactly where I should be.  I am fulfilled.  This fall has been so fulfilling through so many avenues–nature, mind, body, spirit, love, friendship.  My connection with these avenues of life has exploded this fall.  I didn’t realize I could grow and experience so much in so little time.  But I’m here, absorbing it.  And I think about where I was last year and I smile at the woman I’ve become and the women I’ve met that have become my sisters.  And the man I have met who has truly swept me off my feet.  The fullness of it all is so overwhemingly beautiful that sometimes I can’t contain it and I must express it through a hug, a laugh, a giggle, a smile, a kiss, a tune, a meow, a sigh.  And then the overwhelming beauty is shared with my loves.  And the fullness spreads.

Because fullness should be spread, to make others feel this wholeness we feel–and we invite them! Every day is an expression of the beauty of life, and my groovy friends just get it.”

November 4, 2013

This is the last page of my black journal, the journal that contains every bit of love and heartache that I have felt the need to express through words since May 9th when I was sitting at a bus stop in the Czech Republic six months ago christening its first pages.

Today seems particularly special because I seem to have awoken with a new capacity to take on the opportunities before me, I’m shifting my focus back on my self and my time.  Nora and I have ventured to the new coffee shop down the street and something about this venture to a new space seems like a breath of fresh air.  I think I needed this coffee shop.  I’m hoping all of this coming together can allow me to…

-finish the book

-devote myself to new creations of all sorts

-finish the compost project at work

I’m not sure why I’ve been stressing myself out so much these last few days, I have time for everything, everything up until now that perhaps has made me feel pent up energy or as though I’m falling behind on myself has assuredly been the most perfect diversions of the time, and now I can focus on my flow.  It’s felt so good, these last six months, the road to the perfection of life now, and by that I mean a life where there is always work to be done but it’s what I live for.  I am one with what I do and have done.

Anna gave me the opportunity to do all the things that I always want to enjoy aside from my work, it’s easy to neglect those things and get too serious.  We went to the apple orchard, took lots of fall walks, climbed trees, ate great food at home and at local hot spots, we saw lots of live music and I got in touch with some places around Urbana that I often take for granted, like the Japanese garden and a smaller natural food store that’s a little further away from home but still a nice walk and that I like a little better.  Anna needed natural medicine and their selection is undeniably better.

Urbana is quite the perfect little spot.  It’s really blossoming with all these new places opening up.  I still find myself wishing for more in life sometimes, but I know those things will happen when it’s time.  I trust in the sequence of events, in how things must develop and come together most beautifully.  I figure I sometimes must forget before I can get in order to see, acquire, and learn more.  Life is exciting that way, how the vacancies can find fulfillment.  The freedom for it all is sublime, positively.

I love life, I am so grateful for my present, I feel healthy and whole, like I’ve truly been working hard to really achieve all I’ve set out to do and I can’t imagine any other future than a sunnier horizon.  Namaste.