The melancholy of the after has been lingering in my throughout for some time now, and what I decided earlier this week was that I’m not going to let that be anymore. How do I fix it? The parts that feel not quite broken, but more like fractured and not quite right. There is always a little hole in the middle when something you love is no longer around. It seems to catch on everything.
Ethan once told me his mom told him that if she were his age she’d want to be his friend. I think my mom feels the same way and I accept. I’m reading a hardback copy of the Dharma right now, which I found at an outdoor bookstore in Ann Arbor this last weekend. My mom and I took a mini road trip up to Michigan by way of Huntington, Indiana this past weekend. We left Thursday afternoon with a bag stuffed full of dozens of CDs for the drive and our usual snacks of nuts and dried fruit and iced tea, because she’s usually real healthy like that and sometimes I need to be reminded by my mom how to eat. We drove to the Huntington Supper Club to watch Ethan Carpenter sing tunes from war times, like Creedence Clearwater Revival and the Mamas and the Papas and Bob Dylan and that kind of thing, as well as oldies from the forties that I had never heard before. It was amazing, we did this same trip last year to watch him perform at this same venue’s show where he sang Beatles songs. Like last year, Ethan and I stayed up all night doing hilarious things and then early the next day we drove up to Ann Arbor, stopping at every garage sale along the way, for a girl’s weekend away at this old Bed and Breakfast we think is cool. It’s your standard old Victorian Gothic decorated with the most beautiful, eclectic things.
We pulled into Ann Arbor to find almost every street blocked off because there was a giant art festival going on all weekend, much to our pleasant surprise! So the whole weekend we walked around the endless art fest and ooh’d and ahh’d at all the beautiful stuff that people create. We really loved this girl, she did the piece at the top too:
and a couple more projects…
And this amazing girl performed on the street…..
While all this was going on we walked by a used book store near the farmer’s market and on a table outside I found a nice black hardback copy of the Dharma, as I said. Somehow we instantly got to talking with the bookstore owner about celebrity men that we would welcome into our home any time of the day or night. She said Denis Quade, I don’t remember what my mom or I said, but I think we all agreed upon Channing Tatum. Not gonna lie… So just like I did with The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac last summer, which I thought was the coolest book in the world, and still do, I’m reading the real book on Buddhism, bit by bit, a little every day. Although I’m not a Buddhist I think it is a really cool way to learn how to look at the world. It has basically reminded me to always do my best at every thing in life, because instant karma is gonna get you, so you better make it good. But more so than that, it’s totally inspired me to reassess what I think is most healthy for me, everywhere from the new healthy food effort that my girlfriends and I are all supporting each other in, to making sure that I admire and appreciate the sky every day, to smiling and acknowledging as many people as I can as I go about my day, to putting in the extra effort in every task I do.
Also during the weekend we went kayaking on the river that runs through the city and ate some great food at a gay bar and restaurant called Aut Bar that welcomes all to eat and be merry underneath the rainbow flags that run along the lights the twinkle above the outdoor patio. The woman at the bed and breakfast suggested it to us and that’s usually a good idea. They had tables that you could share with strangers and I think that is the best restaurant idea ever, even if you spend most of the meal not even talking to your neighbor, but it feels good to be cozy.
The melancholy of the after is coming down. I think I also just had to admit to myself and some people that I was missing them and that I was sad that adventure was over. It was so effortlessly awesome, and coming down has made it hard to reestablish a flow at times, it’s that hole that gets hung up. But in stepping back into my flow I think I can become so much more dynamic and enriched by the new undiscovered awesome. I think to become steady I’ve had to reach out more and it feels good to stretch. Since being back I’ve made the effort to meet new friends and rekindle old ones in a really big way. I started working at the local radio station, WEFT 90.1 on my mom’s radio show with her, World Groove. It’s really fun to sit in a booth for two hours and pick music for other people to enjoy with you. My dad used to be a radio DJ too, back when he lived in Antarctica and I was a baby. Yes, that happened.
The month of August is really exciting. Four new people are moving into my house, that’s what I meant about the big rekindling. I will be sad to see our good friend Daniel going. He’s a make up artist and he’s been promoted to St. Louis to train people on how to be artists like him. It’s his dream job and a week before he even heard about it he was sitting on our back porch putting it out to the universe that this was what he wanted to do with his life, at least for now. I love a full house, that was one thing I discovered when I was farming. As I said, it’s nice to feel cozy and have the hive buzzing. I’m getting an unlimited yoga pass for the month and I am vowing to go to class pretty much every day. I want to keep the plate of fruits and veggies and nuts and beans going, but sometimes it’s ok to have cheesecake too, maybe we did last night. I want to use the month to teach myself new things and and read more and just generally explore new interests and outlets and it’s gotta start now because summer is already coming to a close and that’s what this part of the year always feel like for me I think. I recently read that this time of year is when people are more bored, so maybe that’s why I feel compelled to do exciting things. Subconscious boredom. Whatever the reason, I call this phase Project All Good and it’s all good.
“Yea we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun”